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Damian's Deconstructive Diatribe, 11/9/2006

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I'll tell you this much, folks - "working at home" and "taking care of your supposedly sick 3 year old" are mutually exclusive tasks, meaning you really can't do both effectively. For the last two days, I was working at home because on Day 1, 3YO spiked a fever of 102.8, which made me call the doctor so fast that I was making the appointment before I even hit "Send" on the cellie. He was pitiful on Day 1. Day 2, however, he was Captain Watch Me Daddy, as he proceeded to make a full recovery and bounce around the house like a kangaroo drinking Monsters. Why didn't I take him to daycare, you ask? Well, daycares have this rule: the child must be fever-free for 24 hours before he can return to school, so even though he was perfectly FINE yesterday, Mr. Mom had to stay home and watch Blue's Clues and Dora the Explorer on an endless loop. Swiper, no swiping! (Some of you will read that and laugh your asses off. Some of you will read that and think I'm insane. Either response works for me.) So I apologize for not getting you your fix yesterday, since I know you were fiending for your medicine. It may be a day late, but it's still works. Take this literary Robitussin. Let it soak in. ------------------- (from Bizarre News) JACKSON, Mich. - A Michigan man who said during a party game the stupidest thing he had ever done was "shot a man in the head" has been charged with murder. Jerry Rose, 29, was arraigned Friday in U.S. District Court in Jackson (Mich.) for murder and armed robbery in the death of 60-year-old Edgar Hawkes last March, the Jackson Citizen- Patriot reported. Rose's former girlfriend tipped off police that he made the admission while playing a "What's-the-stupidest-thing-you've-ever-done?" game, the newspaper said. Hawkes' wife and their 14-year-old granddaughter found him shot to death at the bottom of his basement stairs when they returned home from shopping on March 14. A large amount of cash and a .22-caliber rifle were missing from the house. Rose is jailed without bond pending a preliminary examination Nov. 15. I'm trying to imagine what was going through this mental rolodex when he was trying to figure out which of his stupid acts to share. 'Cause I'll tell you this: if he's shooting people in the head, he's not a stranger to Stupidity. I bet it was his roommate for 4 or 5 years, and I bet they even had a relationship on the DL. I mean, if you know you committed murder, and you weren't arrested, and the case is still open, how could you POSSIBLY think that you could just bust out with that type of admission in public and NOT have something bad happen? What, did he think they'd all high-five him and say "Oh, SHIT! That trumps mine, for real! All I did was forget to use a rubber, but YOU? You da man. Seriously. You da man. Who's turn is it now?" I don't mean to belittle what he did. He murdered a guy, and that some seriously heavy shit. Most crimes are pretty much solved in the first 48 hours, so this fool probably had gotten away with it, more than likely. Wouldn't you think you'd maybe keep that under your hat? There's no statute of limitations on murder. If you did it, and you got away, shut the fuck up about it. -------------------- (from Bizarre News) DUBAI (Reuters) - A two-year-old boy was briefly banned from boarding a Turkey-bound flight in the United Arab Emirates after his name appeared on a list of wanted suspects, a newspaper reported Saturday. Emirates Today said the boy's passport details, including the date of birth, matched those in an arrest warrant. The reason for the mix-up was not known. "While going through the passport checking procedures to get on board, one of the officers on duty said they wanted to take Suhail," Emirates Today quoted the boy's father, Abdullah Mohamed Saleh, as saying. "I thought he was kidding me and said 'Take him if you want'," he said. "He showed me a print-out of a document that said Suhail was wanted and there was an arrest warrant for him." Officials said they would investigate the incident, the paper reported. I'm SO GLAD they pulled this kid. Two year olds are dangerous. Have you ever picked up a two year old and have him kick you in the balls? (Or for the ladies, in the boob or uterus or coccyx or whatever?) I've been convinced for years now that kids are basically born into Al Qaeda, and only through love, compassion, and ass whippings do they convert into sweet little innocent tykes. Oh, don't act like you don't know about this. You see how they look at you, all laying in their bassinets, sucking on a Nuk and plotting against you. Ever got peed in the face by an infant? Al Qaeda. Ever had a baby throw up some Similac on your nicest shirt? Al Qaeda. Ever got hit in the head with a whiffle ball bat by a 1 year old? Al Freakin' Qaeda. They are insidious, infiltrating our homes at the most basic level. They must be stopped. And to think this kid nearly got away with it. I wonder what HE was plotting? Jelly sandwiches in the VCR? That's my guess. -------------------- (from Bizarre News) The new chaplain at Wisconsin's Waupun Correctional Institution is a Wiccan. The Rev. Jamyi Witch's hiring was defended by the state Department of Corrections, which says Witch -- and that is her real name -- met the job requirements, and barring her based on her faith would be illegal. "I minister to everyone's needs. I have no interest in converting anyone," she says. Another full-time chaplain at the facility is Protestant; only about a third of the inmates are Christian. Outraged State Rep. Mike Huebsch promises to strip funding for Witch's position, even though he previously argued for more chaplains in state prisons. OK, I can't stop laughing at the fact that the Wiccan chaplain's last name is Witch. That's just beautiful. I wonder if she was born with that name, married someone with that name, or just saw "The Craft" one time too many. Light as a feather, stiff as a board! If she was born with it, did her name determine her life path? Like, could someone whose last name is Christian become a Muslim? Could John Gentile convert to Judaism? Ah, but I digress. How funny - the state rep is mad that a Wiccan is the chaplain. I suppose this is what passes for religious tolerance in America these days. If you're Christian, especially Protestant, you're tolerated. Everyone else? Suck it. Strangely enough, this is pretty much why people fled England in the first place. The king said that the Church of England was THE religion, period, and the people who maybe didn't WANT to be in the COE decided to go someplace where they could be free to worship however they wished. I wonder what they'd think of their descendants, who now basically do the same thing they fought against so long ago. If the chaplain can do her job and help the inmates, I don't give a damn if she was into santeria or voodoo. People need to quit worrying about which God other people pray to. Here's a little secret: it's more than likely all the same entity, just with different faces. Honestly, do you think a benevolent God would send billions of Chinese people to Hell, for example, simply because they were born Chinese, and in China, and didn't have access to Christianity? Oy. I'm gonna stop now, 'cause this soapbox is getting a tad high. Peace.


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