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Damian's Deconstructive Diatribe, 11/1/2006

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Just felt like throwing up a couple of summer pics of 7YO and 3YO (soon to be 4YO). Damn I make good lookin' babies. And they look just like me, too. Good morning, folks! Ready to get your weekly fix of pipin' hot diatribe? This one has a slight Halloween flavor, as though it tripped and fell as it was running toward November 1st, dragging its tail through October 31st. I hate it when I get the end of a month on my tail. --------------------- (from Bizarre News) South Coffeyville, Oklahoma - A man died after his head slammed into the side of a trailer as he bungee jumped out of a tree to frighten passengers on a Halloween-themed hay ride, authorities said. "The cable that kept him suspended snapped," said Kassie Johnson, who was on the ride when the accident occurred. "At first I thought it was just a dummy falling out of the tree. The trailer bumped up in the air when he hit. Then everyone started screaming." Kester, who was wearing a body harness, also hit a passenger's foot as he fell. The passenger was not seriously hurt and was treated at the scene. Undersheriff Doug Sonenberg said the investigation was not complete. "But right now it looks like a tragic accident," he said. The 2.4km long trail, which was open on Friday and Saturday, raises money for the community's volunteer fire department. Kester was among more than 100 volunteers who participated. Good God, when will white people stop jumping off shit to get thrills or to scare people? Seems like there's always some silly story like this happening around Halloween, the high holy day of rampant stupidity. Don't get me wrong...I feel badly for this man's family and all the grief they must be suffering. But seriously - bungee jumping to scare people during a hay ride? That's some straight-up white people shit right there. That dude was ASKING to get fucked up in some manner. I will tell you this - if he bungee jumped in front of ME, he'd be missing a couple teeth from where I karate kicked him out of pure fear. Black people don't just scream and run. We lash out at that which frightens us. Have y'all seen that video clip from a few years back where the black guy was walking up to the porch during Halloween? There was a life-sized scarecrow on the porch, and when the brotha get near enough, the real-life man in the scarecrow suit moved or whatever, and that brother hit him in his grill, even as he was screaming and backpedaling. Scaring people is a dangerous occupation. But bungee jumping? Out of a tree? Stupidity. --------------------------- (from Bizarre News) (AHN) -- A German court ruled that a witch had to pay her client back the fee for a love potion that did not work. The woman client did the prescribed ritual for six months before complaining. The witch had to repay the $1,275 she charged. The court said she had offered a service that was "objectively completely impossible." The client said she was trying to get a man back who ended a relationship with her in 2003. Although the witch said she never offered a guarantee on her product, the court said "a love ritual is not suited to influencing a person from a distance." Niiiiiiice. The witch blamed the distance for not having Love Potion #9 kick in. I bet that woman was all sitting outside the guy's crib, waiting for his medicine to catch hold like it does in the Pepe LePew cartoons. Can't you just see her, chasing him around like that cat after the cat fell into the water and washed away the painted white stripe, and LePew had fallen into that bucket of blue paint? She was all sneezing and shit, stalking him DOWN, while he was backing out faster than French troops in Afghanistan. This woman is the dumb one, buying a damn love potion. And spending $1275 for it! Shit, for that money, she coulda gotten a new dress, got her hair and nails did, bought some pumps, a new purse, and gotten herself a NEW man. This witch was just tryin' to get paid, people. Don't hate the playa; hate the game. ------------------------- (from Bizarre News) Fern Park, FL -- A 15-year-old boy was arrested after he stole a bus and began driving a route and collecting fares from passengers along a public transit route on Saturday. Authorities said the boy was arrested during incident. The teenager, Ritchie Calvin Davis, drove the bus from the Central Florida Fairgrounds in Orlando, where it was pending an auction sale. The bus is owned by Central Florida Transportation Agency. Davis told the deputies who arrested him at the scene: "I drove that bus better than most of the LYNX drivers could," adding, "There isn't a scratch on it. I know how to start it, drive it, lower it, raise it." The 15-year old observed the required speeds and all the stops along the route. One of the passengers, however, suspicious Davis' boyish looks and dialed 911. The teenager had two passengers on board when deputies pulled him over; 12 miles from his departure point. The teenager has since been charged with auto theft and driving without a license. Davis committed a similar offense back in January. He stole a tour bus and drove passengers around; again, without incident. He was still on probation from the January incident when he was arrested over the weekend. This kid REALLY wants to be a bus driver. And they should hire his ass, not arrest him. That punk-ass person who dialed 911 should be smacked with wet fish until he breaks out in hives. Swear, if I was getting to my stops on time, and he wasn't driving the thing like Sandra Bullock in "Speed", why would I even CARE if he was 12? Shit, I'd give him a fat-ass tip for driving so well, not bust him on it. Haters. If I was one of the 2 passengers on board when the cops pulled him over, I woulda filed a complaint against THEM for getting me to work late. I bet his momma told him to go get a job, and then when he DID, he got persecuted. His name even sounds like a good bus driver name: Ritchie Calvin Davis. Kid needs to move to Dallas. He'd get PAID. Peace.


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