I’m no prude. I’m as open-minded a person as I know. The only things that I will not tolerate are stupid people and reality shows, and even then I’ll break down and watch something like “The Amazing Race” or “The Biggest Loser”. To me, watching reality TV is like watching NASCAR races – you’re only in it for the wrecks and breakdowns. But I digress. I’m down with whatever makes people happy. If you’re a girl who likes girls, I dig it. If you’re a guy who wears Victoria’s Secret – and I don’t mean Victor’s Secret – that’s cool. Things that people do in private have little or no bearing on my world, so do whatever you want. But it’s when you bring your little slice of heaven into someone else’s living room that I get concerned, especially when the owners didn’t order it in the first place.

This story didn’t happen to me. If it had, it would’ve ended a whole lot differently. And I’ll warn you: if you’re offended by sexual content, you need to go read something else. This story is CHOCK FULL of sexual content. I repeat: DO NOT READ THIS if you have any hang-ups, or if you’re easily offended. If you read it and get mad, get mad at your damn self for being too stupid to not read it. I'm serious. Go read CNN or something instead.

This story happened to a friend of mine, known here as Odie. She and her boyfriend (BF) were spending Sunday relaxing at his apartment. BF lives there primarily alone, unless he has his children over. BF has these next-door neighbors named Dom and Sub. Dom is the guy – a big, burly bear of a man, and very dominant by nature. Sub is his big, submissive, bisexual girlfriend who is eager to please, in damn near any capacity. The two them are known to be dom and sub because they don’t even try to hide it. Odie, who is relatively new into her relationship with BF, was hit on almost immediately upon meeting Dom. And I don’t mean a passive, flirty-flirt type of come-on; I’m talking “Hey, my girlfriend is bisexual, if you’re interested”. She wasn’t, so the issue should’ve died there. Since I’m writing this, you know it didn’t.

Dom and Sub decided to drop in on the happy couple to hang out. Previously, during the “let’s swing a three way” phase, Dom told Odie that Sub gives great back rubs, and that she should take advantage. When they stopped by, Odie decided to take Sub up on the offer. It bears mentioning that the couple was wearing their night gown and pajamas when they arrived. Well, Sub went around the couch to start rubbing Odie’s shoulders. No hanky-panky, just a straight back rub. BF was chilling on the couch. Then all hell broke loose.

Dom circled around behind Sub and removed her nightgown. Just whipped it off like it was on fire. She was buck naked underneath. For the moment, the backrub continued, and Odie was oblivious to Sub’s nudity. Then Dom reached into his pocket and pulled out a dildo! Who the fuck carries around a dildo in his pocket? He bent Sub over the couch, slid the dildo in, and started furiously pounding her with it. By now, Odie was aware of the situation. Her reaction? Nothing. She was somewhere between stunned and “this isn’t happening”. Now, BF had been harboring a mild fantasy about hooking up with Sub for awhile. When I asked why she didn’t say something or put a stop to it, Odie said “Well, I figured if I let them go on, BF would get that whole fantasy thing out of his system.” Alrighty, then.

At some point, Dom and Sub moved from behind the couch to on the couch, next to Odie. Sub was on all fours, and Dom moved in front of her to “allow” her to perform oral on him, all while he was steady plugging her with the dildo. Odie didn’t protest, didn’t participate, didn’t move. These folks were filming a scene from “Debbie Does Dildos”, and Odie barely batted an eye. BF was taking an interest in the activities, however. At one point, he decided to move from “casual observer” to “passive participant” by going over to lend a hand – literally. As Dom spelunked in her lower depths, BF started smacking her ass. I asked was it a playful smacking, or a “hey, cut that shit out” smacking, but Odie said it was a participant-type smacking. He was helping out. So much so that, after a couple more minutes of this, Sub had an orgasm. Was it her moans and groans that clued Odie in? No. How about the shudders and convulsions Sub’s body went through? Uh-uh. Odie was made aware of the state of Sub’s orgasm due to the fact that she squirted all over Odie! I’ve heard of squirters; mysterious women who can ejaculate like men, sometimes over a good distance. But they’ve always been elusive quarry, like unicorns or black women that admit to giving head. I’ve never known one. (And technically, since this isn’t my story, I still don’t.) Odie wiped off the liquid ecstasy, and the sordid scene came to a close.

Afterward, BF, ever the gracious host, offered Sub a drink. “No thanks," she purred, looking at Dom, "I’ve already had mine.” Ewwwwwwwww! What a nice, charming, wholesome couple. I wonder why they aren’t on “The Amazing Race” yet. Maybe the choke chain and leash would slow ‘em down too much. Have you ever heard of someone coming from their own place, into someone else’s, engaging in an univited, unsolicited sex act in public (hell, on dude's couch), and then get up and go back to their place again? I like freaky things as much as the next guy (or more), but this shit takes the cake. Leave me a comment if you have a weird-ass story even close to this.

Peace.