Me, the anti-jonx. The hat is ridiculous, I know. Look, it was hot out there, ok? And I had just shaved my head the night before, and I wasn't ABOUT to get my scalp sunburned. That shit hurts. Oh, that expression on my face? It's called the "Word mouth", because that's what you do after you say "Word." to someone. Jot that down.

Looks idyllic, doesn't it? It would be, if it didn't have...

No, not my son - the damn JUNGLE back there! Look at that shit! It looks like Vietnam's cousin back there. You know there's a bear in there, and I bet you dollars to doughnuts that the snakes swim in the water at night.

Believe me, I'm not one to piss all over someone else's religion, but seriously - if you can't come out of the burka, why are you at the waterpark? It was 600 degrees out there, and you looked a little out of place next to the chick in the two-piece with tattooes of butterflies on her lower back. Just sayin'.

Not the woman in the foreground - she's fine. Well, I mean "OK", not attractive. Look at the woman in the background. And feel free to click the picture to see what I wrote. She looked like she got dressed by two blind circus acrobats.

No.

Yes.

This was just sad, y'all. I damn-near dropped the camera trying to get a shot of her, though. See those stairs to the right? It took her nearly 3 minutes to go up. There were 7 of them. Later on, she tried to sit on one of the many plastic lawn chairs scattered around, but she fell. And she couldn't get back up. She sat there, on the hot concrete, for a long, long time, just...chillin'. It was really sad, and I did not laugh at her plight.

But I laughed on the inside, because I'm evil.

See that guy in the white shirt? Water was falling on him, where he was standing. When he turned sideways, 3 little kids tried to slide down his stomach.

Freezing water, hot sun, high prices...it was good to leave. And I swear to you, I will NOT go back to that place...until next weekend.

We have season passes.

Peace.